this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
