I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
