ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just found puke in my bra..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
