All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
