the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
