You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
