We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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