guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just want to make out with him forever
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
