and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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