Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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