There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
