I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
