my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
