they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
