My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
