I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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