mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
