he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
