if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His hands were made for my vagina.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
