I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
