girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
