You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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