I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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