The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
