I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
