I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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