I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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