I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
