There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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