mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
