I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
