Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
