Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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