What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish I only lived at night.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
