you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
