thus making me awesome and them whores
In America we eat man semen.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
