i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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