My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
