Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
