Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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