we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
