I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
