Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
