i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
