The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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