bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This is the high leading the old right now
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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