Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
