I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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