I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
