I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
