the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
