I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
