time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
